Who am I?

Despite the fact that I say here that when I look back over my life I see that God has been teaching me, all along, to become closer to Him by learning to embrace the cross, the suffering that is portioned out to me, you must not think that I have suffered more greatly than others. I assume that we all suffer, all the time, because "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is our common lot in life. Often, when we think of suffering, we think of those who have undergone terrible, ravaging illnesses or physical mutilations, but we forget how much of our suffering is internal, unsuspected by the world at large. Most of my suffering has been internal, unseen by acquaintances, family, friends. As with many people, my pain is known to God, to the saints of Heaven, and to myself but not to many others.

Those who know me often say, "You've had such an interesting life! You're so fortunate to have visited such-and-such a place, or to have done this thing or that." They are right, I have been blessed in many ways, but I have also had (and continue to have) many struggles. Don't you, too? So, please, as you read this blog, do not expect to read that I have become an Olympic gymnast despite being a double amputee, or that I have fed lepers with hands marked with the stigmata of Christ's wounds. My struggles are probably no more heroic than yours. I hope I am a saint in the making, but I am certainly not a saint. I will try not to paint myself as such in this blog, nor will I hide my faults.

The one way in which, perhaps, I differ from many people is that I meditate frequently on the meaning of my life, and try to discern the will of God in the circumstances of my life. As St Augustine of Hippo did when he looked back over his own life, I see that God was always there, guiding me unseen, often unsuspected, leading me along a way that I would never have found on my own. That is what I am trying to fathom in this blog -- to see my life as it has unfolded and to recognize there the marks of God's providence.

If you read my posts, feel free to share your own experiences in your comments. Do you find in my life similarities to your own? Do you think I should look at certain events in a different way? If so, please say so. I am open to advice, I don't pretend to understand everything that God has done/is doing, and I would welcome enlightenment if you believe you can offer it.