Why Rough Wood?

In this blog I am writing, bit by bit, my own memoir and as I look back over my life so far and think about what it has all added up, or what theme seems to run through it, or what God has been teaching me, I see that I have been learning to embrace the cross. Very, very slowly, because that's not what I thought the trajectory I expected life to take, although it is the answer to my prayers.

When I prayed, "Lord, don't let me be alone," he put me at the foot of the cross, where he was suffering for me. When I prayed, "Lord, let me know your Son," he showed me his Son, suffering and dying. When I prayed, "Lord, let me know you better," he taught me that the more we embrace the cross, the more we become one with Jesus. When I said, "Lord, show me the way the way to go," he showed me the way of suffering where Simon of Cyrene was struggling to help Christ to carry His cross. Faith He gave me without asking. When I prayed, "Lord, increase in me the virtue of Hope," he allowed me to feel helpless and all but hopeless, until I learned to Hope only in Him. And when I prayed to learn Charity, he set me down amongst difficult people. When I prayed, "Make me more like You," he allowed me to feel rejected, outcast, a stranger in a strange land, although I was in my native land among my own people.

I have learned that God answers our prayers, but He does so in a strange and unintelligible speech, and we must learn His language. He gives us gifts that seem strange and uncomfortable, until we learn their proper use. When I asked, "Lord, give me my heart's desire" and opened my arms to accept his gift, I felt a great heaviness, and when I clasped it to my heart I felt rough wood against my cheek. I am learning to embrace the cross until it becomes easy and light and draws me up into the presence of God.